Category: Communication and Understanding

Invisible Friends Series: How to Give Constructive Criticism

“I actually don’t like the term constructive criticism,” he said shaking his head. “It sends the wrong message.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well criticism is pointing out what someone has done wrong. That’s never constructive. It’s one of those oxymorphisism thingies.”
“You mean oxymoron?”
“Yeah, like if I say that’s a giant shrimp, or it’s an open secret. Same thing with constructive criticism. The only thing criticism ever does is make people defensive, or depressed. It never builds anything constructive.”

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A Spoonfull of Empathy Helps the Medicine Go Down

I came home from work today and walked into a bit of a quagmire. My Dad caught me before I could even drop my bags and said with a face full of concern, “Your Mother and Tani had a huge fight. They aren’t talking, and your Mother keeps crying and saying that she just wants to die, so she can be with your brother.”

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The Four Agreements and Why I Take Them Personally

Recently, a friend introduced me to “The Four agreements.” Like so many, my she lives by then, and she was eager to share their wisdom with me. In case you are as unfamiliar with “The Four Agreements” as I was, they come from a book by Miguel Ruiz entitled, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book), which Oprah loves.

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What you say about others, says everything about you.

“Did you see the nasty look  that man just gave me?”
“He didn’t give it to you mommy.
You had it when you came in.”
Reflection has always been my favorite of the rules. It’s influence permiates all the rules, and incoprorating it into your understanding of the river is essential to successful journeying…

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Stop Driving Me Crazy: Reflections from the River

A new student, who is just starting down the river, sent me an e-mail that ended, “I hope you have a section in your lessons on how to not let (my co-worker) drive my crazy.” I know that she meant it as a joke, but strangely enough the rules of the river do deal with how to not let people drive you crazy…

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A Daily Mantra For a Divided World

“There is always something I can learn,” will be my Daily Mantra for the foreseeable future. Mantras are simple phrases, or words, or sounds, that people use to help themselves stay focused on a particular state of mind. In my case, I need to focus on what unites us rather than divides us. As our upcoming election approaches, I find it easy to take a side, but everything I know about riding life’s river reminds me that it would be wiser if I did a little more listening and learning with an open mind to the people with whom I disagree…

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How do you face down prejudice?

Well you don’t do what I used to do. You don’t face down prejudice with logical arguments. Prejudice is too deeply rooted in emotions like fear to be influenced by logical arguments. Instead, you treat their prejudice like a fear and use systematic desensitization to slowly peel away that fear. To explain, let me share a story…

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